Unlawful Entry

In this nightmare, I was asleep in my apartment late at night and heard my front door handle start to jiggle.  I quietly walked over and looked through the peep hole and saw an eyeball trying to peer inside.  It startled me so I jumped back while still trying to keep quiet.  The intruder was able to pick the outside lock but luckily I have a deadbolt that is only accessible through the inside of my apartment.  I was freaked out at this point but also figured there was no way he would be able to get inside.  He then slammed his body into the door, trying to knock it down.  The doorframe started to split so I completely panicked and called 911.

Next thing I knew I was outside on the street talking to a cop, explaining the attempted break-in to him.  We quickly walked up the stairs to my apartment and saw the guy still charging at my front door.  The cop ran up to him, put a cardboard box over his head, bear hugged him and gently said, “It’s okay, you’re a good kid.”

Rams & Patriots

In this weird dream, I was walking on a beach with one of my brothers and we started to hike up a small sand dune.  Off in the distance to our right was a golf course on an enormous mountain.  There was an amazingly long par 5 that went miles up the mountain side and I said to my brother, “Wow, that’s a doozy of a hole!”  We kept walking along a narrow sandy trail and came upon a bright green ram that wanted to play fetch.  I threw a small stick down the hill and he went after it and brought it back to me.

We kept walking and came to a cliff ledge where the New England Patriots football team were practicing.  The football was hiked to Tom Brady and suddenly I was playing defense.  Without missing a beat, I aggressively rushed Tom and just as I was about to tackle him, I realized he was a cardboard cutout.  As I tackled him, my momentum carried me over the cliff towards the ocean below.

Flame Thrower

In this weird dream, I was at an ex-girlfriend’s house, attending her birthday party.  She was yelling at me and blamed me for ruining her party, even though everyone seemed to be having a good time.  Next thing I knew I had a flame thrower and was dousing some guy who was wearing a rubber suit and shooting water guns at me.

Melting Away

In this strange dream, I was in someone’s garage where a guy was cutting the brake lines on his wife’s car.  The brake fluid quickly covered the cement floor and then three attractive women walked into the garage.  They immediately slipped and fell to the floor and then slowly melted away until there was nothing left of them.

Kickball Bully

In this funny dream, I was playing kickball and a girl on my team kicked the big red rubber ball to the third baseman, who threw it to first base.  It went past the first baseman so she kept running towards second base but slipped and fell.  The first basement picked up the ball and threw it to the second basemen, who was an absolutely huge guy with white spiked hair.  He caught it and tagged her out on her legs, then he tagged her out a second time by slamming the ball into her face.  Our whole team ran onto the field to yell at the guy and I said, “Dude, what’s up with the second tag?”  He didn’t reply so I gave him serious stink eye as I walked off the field.

I was then watching the huge second basemen and a guy from our team play ping pong.  I was still giving him stink eye and he told me to go f@#k myself.  I was then outside walking next to him and he said to me, “You’re not bad at kickball….for a girl.”  I laughed obnoxiously at this and told him that was so funny because I’m a guy but I play like a girl.  I told some people around me what he said while still laughing like it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.  He was about to say something to me but I cut him off and said, “Don’t say anything funny, I’m still enjoying that last joke,” and kept laughing hysterically.

Guitar Hero

In this funny dream, I was playing acoustic guitar for a rap band during a live concert in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse.  We were on a large stage and the place was packed with a lot of cheering people.  There were a couple of other guys playing guitar too and they seemed like they knew what they were doing.  However, I was just strumming a few of the same chords over and over again but neither the band members or the crowd seemed to notice.  Plus I was sitting down for some reason so I was virtually out of sight.  Even though it was a rap band, we started playing a Metallica song but I just kept strumming my guitar.  The lead guitarist completely butchered the introductory guitar riff so the crowd booed us and they all quickly left the building.

Val Kilmer

In this weird dream, the actor Val Kilmer was buried up to his waste in dried cement and I was throwing baseballs at him from a fairly short distance.  I was throwing as hard as I could and the radar gun behind him was clocking me at 93 miles per hour.  Every ball I threw hit him square in the chest and he just kept laughing at me and saying, “Is that all you got?”