I've Got Crabs!

In this crazy crab dream, I was driving a dune buggy across a dirt road.  The road then turned into thick bundled cable wires that were suspended high over a massive canyon.  I kept driving but was a little freaked out.  Once I got to the other side, there was a group of people around a bonfire.  They were drinking beer and cooking dinner so I decided to stay for a bit, even though I didn’t know anyone.

There was a small cage filled with huge crabs that were being steamed over a smaller open fire.  I looked closer at the cage and saw a little boy inside it, gnawing on a live crab.  Nobody seemed to care so I walked over and grabbed what I thought was a dead crab.  As I put it on my plate, it sprang to life and jumped towards me.  It latched onto my face with one of its huge claws and I immediately woke up.

After I Killed Him, I stuffed His Body Into an Empty Paint Can

In this intense and weird dream, I was hiding on a beach with two guys I didn’t know.  We were behind a small sand dune, watching three guys dump a dead body into the ocean.  After they were done they walked towards us and one of them spotted me.  They sprinted towards us so we buried ourselves in the sand.

As I was lying on my back covered in sand, one of the guys stepped on my stomach and I jerked up in pain.  They picked me up and left me with a muscle-bound guy who was instructed to kill me.  He approached me quickly and I pounded him over the head with my closed fist, instantly killing him.

I frantically looked for a place to hide his body.  At first I hid him under a bench.  I then carried him into a nearby house and hid him under a bed.  Not happy with this hiding place, I decided to cram him into an empty paint can and surprisingly he fit into it.

I then walked into an empty warehouse and there was a sea of shelves, each completely filled with paint cans.  I put my can on an empty spot on one of the shelves.  The band Steel Dragon was playing in the background and the song was “We All Die Young.”

A friend of mine suddenly walked into the warehouse and told me he was looking for the guy I had killed and said he couldn’t leave without him.  I saw an axe on the wall so I quickly grabbed it.  I took a full swing at him and just before the blade was going to hit my friends chest, I turned it a bit and the blunt end of the axe hit him.

Watching Myself Ride the Ski Lift

In this weird ski dream, I was riding on a ski lift with a woman I didn't know.  There was no snow at the base of the mountain but as we moved higher in elevation, there was more and more snow below us.  Eventually, there was so much snow we could rest our skis on top of it.

For some reason, I had trouble hanging onto my ski poles.  I dropped one of them in the snow below me and as I tried to reach for it, I fell into the deep powder.  I was lying on my back looking up at the ski lift, only to see myself still sitting next to the woman.

Flying Fish the Size of Volkswagens

In this strange flying fish dream, I was partying on a large boat with a bunch of people, speeding across the water.  I recognized a few of the women.  It was sunny out and everyone was in their bathing suits, having a good time.  There was a woman standing by herself at the very front of boat, watching some small fish jump in and out of the water.  Suddenly the fish were getting bigger and flying directly into her, one after another.  They kept hitting her in the face but she wouldn’t move.  I just stood there and watched.  A fish the size of a Volkswagen Beetle then flew out of the water and slammed into her, knocking her over the side of the boat. 

Next thing I knew, we were all lying on the beach, which was covered with snow.  There was ice in the water but we were swimming nonetheless.  Then a snowball fight broke out.  As I was sitting on the beach, I could still see small fish jumping out of the water.  A large one jumped out and was coming right for my face.  Just before it was going to hit me, I woke up.

My Only Weapon Was a Cadbury Easter Egg

In this spy dream, I was on a secret mission in Germany, trapped in an underground lair with a group of strangers.  However, I recognized one person and that was Dwayne Johnson.  Of course, better known as The Rock.  We were surrounded by thick concrete walls that looked impenetrable.  We searched everywhere for a way to escape but found nothing.  Frustrated, a guy pulled out a sledge hammer and swung it wildly into the walls with no success.  I leaned back against a rock, which must have triggered a switch as the floor opened up and a staircase appeared.

We all walked down the long staircase and into a dark corridor.  At the end of it was a secured door with an illuminated keypad next to it.  I typed in some random numbers and the door opened.  We piled through it and into a large cave that had a massive body of water in front of it.  A boat was speeding away and on it was a guy who looked like Jesus, but he was only wearing boxers and a t-shirt.  Apparently he was the guy we were after but there was no chance of catching him.

A submarine then surfaced and out game a few guys with guns.  We tried to hide but I was spotted.  One guy fired a hand gun at me and bullets whizzed by my head.  None of us had weapons but I looked in my hand and I was holding what looked like a Cadbury Easter egg.  I tossed it at the submarine and it exploded like a hand grenade, sinking the vessel.

With All That Fresh Snow, I was Skiing on Dirt

In this cool skiing dream, I was swooshing down a large mountain at the Squaw Valley ski resort.  At first I was on some lush powder and then I was on dirt and small rocks.  I could see other people skiing on the snow but I couldn’t seem to get myself off the dirt.  I then skied over this jump and caught some pretty good air.

By mid air I noticed I was now flying over a small rectangular lake that was surrounded by bleachers with thousands of screaming fans.  As if I knew what I was doing, I performed some twists and flips and landed perfectly on a stage at the far end of the lake. The crowd stood up and gave me a standing ovation.

A Bad Case of Stockholm Syndrome

In this strange dream, I was being held hostage by a couple of teenage boys.  I don’t know what crime they committed but the cops had them surrounded in an abandoned warehouse.  The kids were blindly firing their guns out the window.  One of them handed me a gun and said, “You’re with us now.”  I must have had Stockholm Syndrome as I gladly took it and started shooting at the cops.  Then we all ran out the back door.

We sprinted across an open field and ducked into a small house.  Once inside, we sat on a small couch.  A large guy immediately rushed out of a bedroom and yelled, “Okay, who has the stuff?”  Nobody said anything.  He got in my face and screamed the same question.  I told him I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.  He yelled even louder, demanding I give him the drugs.  I denied that I had anything.  He reached into one of jacket pockets and pulled out a baggie full of cocaine.  One of the kids gave me a high five.

Jail Break!

In this strange prison dream, I was in a jail cell with a guy I didn’t know and we were going to break out.  I knew this guy had broken out of prison before so I assumed he had a good plan.  My back was towards him and when I turned around, he was already climbing up a rope ladder and out of our cell.  He looked down at me and said, “Well come on.”  So I climbed up the ladder and we broke out of jail together.

We then found ourselves at an old lumber mill.  I thought it was abandoned until I heard a conveyor belt start up.  On it were large wooden barrels, each containing a chicken with only their heads exposed.  At the end of what looked like an assembly line was a guy with a hammer.  As each barrel went by him, he clubbed each chicken over the head, immediately killing it.

A little freaked out, we got the hell out of there.  It was now dark out and we were in an open field.  We saw a bunch of cops with guns and flashlights, no doubt searching for us.  We hid behind some shrubs and heard a guy rapidly approaching.  He pulled out a large sword, hacked threw the bushes and was only a few feet from us.  I stood up and thrust a thin fencing sword into his stomach and the blade came out through his lower back.  He pulled it out, looked at the weapon and just started laughing uncontrollably.

The Devil Plays a Mean Centerfield

In this nightmare, I was playing baseball against the devil.  He was the centerfielder for the opposing team.  He was enormous, bright red and had small horns.  Every time one of our players would get a hit and run to the base, the devil would morph into another player on the field and tag us out.  Somehow we managed to get the bases loaded but the devil executed a triple play.  I got a hit and was running towards first base when the devil appeared and tagged me out.  Pissed, I charged him but he disappeared and didn’t return.

I then found myself at a house I’d never been in before.  It was late at night and all the lights were out but there was some moonlight coming in through the windows.  I slowly walked throughout the house to see if the devil had followed me there but there was no sign of him.  As I made my way down a hallway, the front door slammed open and the devil charged in.  He immediately saw me and gave me a subtle grin.  I rushed him and he stabbed me in the stomach with a gold-pointed spear.  I immediately woke up.

Shaquille O'Neal is a Whore!

In this celebrity dream, I was at a house party with several women and a couple of guys, but I didn’t know any of them.  Shaquille O'Neal walked into the living room completely naked.  Apparently he was a prostitute.  All of the girls stared at him and giggled in excitement.  He approached them and they chatted for a bit.  I heard one of the girls ask her friend for $150, which she then handed over to Shaq.  They left the room together and didn’t return.

I walked outside and there were a lot of people partying on the front lawn and driveway.  I saw my Jag with the trunk open and people were pulling beer out of it.  I ran down to my car and saw it was completely filled with ice and a full assortment of beer.  I grabbed a beer and then slammed the trunk on some guy’s hand.  He screamed in pain.  But when I looked at him, blood was gushing from his nose and mouth.  His buddy sprinted towards me and I thought I was going to get pummeled.  He ran right by me and took a swing at a group of nearby guys.  They beat the hell out of him and when the guy walked back, his face was bloodied too.

 

Body Surfing Down the Streets of Monterey

In this funny surfing dream, I was in my apartment but I was living in Monterey, California.  There were a bunch of people I didn’t know in my living room.  Somebody opened my front door and a huge wave instantly crashed through my apartment.  We left the door open and decided we’d body surf the next wave that came through.  As expected, another swell was forming in the distance and it was moving swiftly down the street.  We all ran outside and when the water hit us, a bunch of us rode the wave back into my living room and crashed against the wall.  We did this a couple more times.

When the next wave started to form, it was absolutely enormous.  So big it was knocking over cars and buses.  It eventually made its way to my apartment and completely flooded it.  I found some dry space on top of a tall book shelf and was trying to keep my phone and camera from getting wet.  I then climbed out a window and saw the streets were completely flooded with at least 10 feet of water.  My brother floated by me on a wooden desk.

Huge Waves and Sea Creatures in San Diego

In this bizarre ocean dream, I was in San Diego hanging out at the beach with a group of my old college buddies.  I went into the ocean and as I was floating in the water, I noticed several large sea creatures near me, including some whales.  They started circling me and were growing larger in number.  A couple of large fins surfaced and I immediately thought, “Shark!”  I panicked and tried to swim to shore but I was getting nowhere.  I froze for a brief second and a huge wave poured down on me and washed me to where my friends were sitting.  They kept talking amongst themselves, not realizing what had happened to me.

I then found myself driving along the coastline in an open-top Jeep Wrangler.  I was admiring the view of the ocean when 50-foot waves started to form.  I watched them crash down near the beach, fully expecting to get pulverized by them.  However, the instant they hit the sand they disintegrated.  I kept driving and was now traveling over a large bridge.  Suddenly the large sea creatures that were terrorizing me in the ocean were now popping up through the road.

White Socks, Dark Suit

In this strange dream, I was with my boss at an investor conference in New York at a large hotel.  He was the guest speaker but wasn’t presenting for a few hours so we went our separate ways.  We made plans to meet in the lobby at 2:00pm, a half hour before his presentation.  I decided to go to the hotel bar and have a drink to kill some time.  While sitting at the bar, I met a woman and we started drinking heavily until we were both pretty hammered.  We went to my hotel room and passed out immediately.  I woke up at 2:00pm and panicked.

I frantically tried to put my suit on but things were happening in slow motion.  It seemed like an eternity before I got my shoes on and belt buckled.  I tried to hurry to the elevator but found myself unable to run.  I finally got to the conference room at 2:35 and my boss was up on stage, showing some random video that I’d never seen before.  I sat in the very front row, watching his presentation wondering what they hell he was doing.  I decided to kick my feet up on the stage and when I did this, I realized I was wearing white tube socks.

Evil Monkeys!

In this scary monkey dream, I was a passenger in the back of an older van.  We were driving down a single-lane highway in the middle of nowhere and I didn’t know the driver.  I looked out the front window and as far as I could see, there were evil monkey’s lining both sides of the highway.  They all had large swords and were swatting at the van as we drove by them.  I heard a loud thump on top of the van and then saw a sword coming through the metal.  The blade missed me but a monkey hand with long sharp claws reached inside and ripped off a chunk of skin from my right shoulder.

The driver realized what was happening and swerved frantically and the monkey flew off the top of the van.  He kept swerving and I could hear multiple thud sounds and screeching as we ran over countless evil monkeys.  We eventually didn’t see any more of them so we parked the van at the first house we came across.  We went inside expecting to know the owners but when we got into the living room, they were human-sized cat people standing on their hind legs.

Michael Westen, Super Financial Analyst!

In this celebrity dream, I was hanging out with super spy Michael Westen from the TV show Burn Notice.  However, he wasn’t a spy but rather a financial analyst investigating an insider trading case at a large corporation.  Even as a financial guy, he seemed way cool.  I was his right-hand man, helping him with the investigation.  We were driving around in a golf cart – but not on a golf course – and he was working on his laptop, frantically punching numbers into a spreadsheet.  I was perusing some financial documents although I had no idea what I was looking for.  We were growing frustrated since we couldn’t find any hard evidence of insider trading. 

When I looked up from my papers, I noticed we were now on a golf course, driving really fast and quickly approaching a tee box.  We drove over the tee box and there was a 20-foot cliff on the other side but Michael didn’t notice at all.  I thought we would crash for sure but we landed safely and were now in a tunnel, moving at the same speed as the traffic all around us.  Still not aware of his surroundings, he looked up from his laptop and yelled, “I got it!”

World's Biggest Waterfall

In this waterfall dream, I was on a road trip with a few of my friends.  We got lost and then found ourselves walking along a dirt path high above a large river.  Suddenly the ground gave out and we were all sliding down a steep hill.  Then we were freefalling and landed in the river, which was moving swiftly.  We tried swimming to shore but the current was too strong.  There were other people on the river but they were in rafts and didn’t seem to notice us.  Shortly up ahead the river seemed to just drop off so we all grabbed onto a large tree branch and pulled ourselves up on some rocks.  I told my friends I wanted to see how far the drop off was so I leisurely swam to the edge of the river.  I looked down and the drop off was at least a 1,000 feet and at the bottom was a small pool of water.

I explained to my friends that since I was dreaming we could jump off the edge and be fine but they weren’t convinced.  So I swam back to the edge of the river and jumped.  I was falling fast but as I got towards the bottom, I was sucked into a large cave, which became smaller and smaller until it was just a tube.  I slid through this tube at amazing speeds and eventually found myself on a water slide, still moving very fast.  I flew out of the slide during one of the turns and then landed on another slide, right behind a group of Asian women.  When the slide ended, we all got out and I saw my friends coming out of the woods, covered in dirt and sweat and very pissed at me.