Auckland

In this surreal dream, I was outside at a restaurant at the base of an enormous mountain in Auckland, New Zealand. The mountain went as high as I could see and then disappeared into the clouds. There were two huge yellow slides that also went up the mountain and into the clouds. I got on the gondola that was taking people to the top of the mountain so they could ride the slides down. When I finally got to the top, I was inside another restaurant where I was the guest speaker at a deaf person convention. I looked out into the crowd and saw George Costanza (from Seinfeld) and quickly ran off the stage.

I then got in line to ride the slide but when I got to the front, people were getting into red cylinder cages and the slide was actually a roller coaster. I got in the cage and off I went. I was moving down the mountain at blinding speeds, going through cork screw turns and huge loops. I looked to my left and could see people on the other slide, also in a red cage, mimicking my every move. As I got near the base of the mountain, I was no longer in the red cage but sliding on my butt down a big yellow slide.

Outdoor Strippers

In this crazy dream, it was late at night and I was walking down a street in a large city and for some reason I was wearing a suit. There were lots of people on the sidewalk and in the streets but no cars. It didn’t look like the safest neighborhood so I was a little scared. But I kept walking and came to an outdoor strip club that was in a parking lot with a tarp over it. I recognized a buddy of mine so I figured I would stay for a bit and check out the entertainment.

I went for some money in my wallet and didn’t have any and my ATM card was missing. I searched for a bank but couldn’t find one and then I came across a guy in a small booth who said he could get me money, but only $256. I took the money and started walking back to the strip club. I then saw two guys running down the street, coming towards me pretty quickly. They ran by me as one guy was clearly chasing the other guy. He eventually caught him and a fight broke out. Not liking violence I kept walking away from the fight but could hear people cheering.  After a long time I heard a guy say, “OK, break it up.”

Good Fellas

In this crazy dream, I was on the second floor of a two-story seedy motel, running from the mob.  Apparently I was supposed to protect somebody from a mob hit in one of the motel rooms.  I ran down the stairs as a mobster was chasing after me.  I was then on my belly in the parking lot, next to a large water fountain, trying to hide from Joe Pesci.  He was on his cell phone and walking slowly around the fountain, talking to someone about killing me.

I kept sliding around the fountain on my belly, trying to keep him from seeing me.  Then I slowly slid all the way down the parking lot and was completely out of his sight.  I then found myself on the second floor again looking down at Joe Pesci who was taking a dump in the parking lot.  I struck a match and flung it on his poo and he caught on fire and died.

Wheelie Time

In this funny dream, I was in a friend’s kitchen but nothing looked familiar to me. It was a lot smaller and the décor, along with every appliance, seemed to be from the 1970’s. My friend was cooking four different things at once on the stove top and then suddenly the whole stove started shaking violently. I then heard the loud roar of an engine and turned around to see another two friends sitting on this huge motorcycle in the hallway of the house. The back wheel was thick and as big as a tractor tire but the front tire was tiny. The rear fender well was painted obnoxious neon colors and the whole bike looked ridiculous. They revved up the engine and tore off down the hallway and eventually out onto the street.

My friend and I quickly followed. It was then I noticed another small set of tires that were coming off the back of the bike. They kind of looked like training wheels but were connected by two long metal rods so the wheels were a good 10 feet behind the bike. I realized they were there to keep the bike stable so they could pop wheelies without crashing the bike. They rode around in the street for a while - in wheelie form only - and I finally asked, “Is that thing street legal?”

Vegas, Baby!

In this weird dream, I was at a DMV office in Las Vegas but I was there looking at a kiosk that had some pictures of a girl I used to date. They were pretty revealing pictures and I recall she was wearing a sexy red dress. Next I was walking down the Vegas strip trying to get back to my hotel. I was tired of walking and couldn’t find a taxi but saw a water slide that apparently went to my hotel. The water slide was going up a hill but I still jumped head first into it and the water powered me up the slide and dumped me right into my hotel lobby.

In the lobby was a group of girls, including the girl from the kiosk pictures. I started talking to them and mentioned the pictures I had just seen. The girl I dated didn’t seem too concerned about them but some random guy that overheard our conversation flipped out and said he would see to it that the pictures would be removed. He borrowed a light blue, 1960-something Mustang from a group of strangers and was gone for a while. He eventually came back and pulled me aside and said, “No worries bro, it’s been taken care of.”

I Killed a Cat

In this crazy dream, I was in a large raft on a river getting ready for a day of white water rafting. There was a large group of people with me but we each had our own raft, which were equipped with motors. The guide gave us detailed instructions on how to use the motor so we practiced going forwards and backwards for a while. Once we were all comfortable using the motors, we floated off into the river. I fell behind the group and noticed the river had turned into a theme park water slide and everyone was on inner tubes but I was still on my raft. I gunned my motor and caught up to the group and the only thing that was on my mind was, “Damn, my motor is going to rip apart this water slide.” That worry went away as I was now on an inner tube.

We all came out of the water slide and were back in our rafts, floating in a slow part of the river and coming up to a dam. We were all equipped with rifles at this point and the guide told us we had to shoot over the dam….at what I don’t know. A couple people shot and hit the dam so I aimed my gun up high towards a tree - hoping to shoot over the dam - and pulled the trigger. I heard everyone gasp since I had shot a bird, which fell out of the tree and into the middle of an outdoor restaurant. A huge group gathered by the bird and someone yelled, “It’s just a cat” and everyone laughed and went back to eating. The dead cat lay there for a while and then suddenly sprung to life and ran down a hallway, playing with another cat.

Golf Dream

In this golf dream, I was on the first tee at a golf course in Carmel, CA, ready to hit my first drive. When I went to hit my ball, I noticed it wasn’t on a tee but on top of an eye drop bottle so of course the ball kept falling off. I eventually teed it up on the flat side of a tiny golf pencil and was ready to swing the club. The tee box then became really small and every time I tried to start my backswing, the club would hit an obstruction behind me, mainly trees and bushes. I finally got a half swing in and hit the ball poorly into the distance.

As I went to look for it, there were literally hundreds of balls where I thought I hit mine. After searching for what seemed like an eternity, I found it and quickly hit it again as the people behind me were pissed that I was playing slowly. I had the same problem trying to find my second shot as it landed in another sea of golf balls. I eventually found it in a large wooden planter next to some ladies sitting in lawn chairs, sipping iced teas.

Crocosaur

In this strange dream, I was driving on a desolate, winding road when it started absolutely dumping snow. Not having tire chains and quickly losing use of my breaks, I listlessly slid into an empty parking lot and realized I was in some random little town. I didn’t see people but I saw a crummy house that was floating in the air, being held up by hundreds of strands of rope. I then found myself in the living room of this house with a little Asian man who sensed I had some sort of higher mind power. There were a few other guys in the room with me but I don’t recall what they looked like.

There were also 3 large throw pillows in the room and we were told to stare at them and with the power of our minds, turn them into something else. I stared intently and one of the pillows turned into a huge, blue and green crocodile but it looked more like a stuffed animal, or maybe even claymation……but it was snarling and a little scary. It kept morphing into a dinosaur - maybe a T-Rex but it resembled other types of dinosaurs as well. It was still blue and green but a lot bigger than the crocodile and it started coming towards me aggressively. The little Asian man yelled, “That’s enough!” and I lost concentration and the dinosaur turned back into a throw pillow.

Rules of Engagement?

In this funny dream, I was on a large boat with Patrick Warburton and Megyn Price (husband and wife on the sitcom Rules of Engagement) but they were dogs, yet somehow I still knew who they were. I don’t recall what type of dog he was - maybe a Pit Bull - but she was definitely a Cocker Spaniel with blonde floppy ears and a pink bow in her hair. They turned back into their human form and Patrick was swimming off the side of the boat, playing with some other dog in the water. I only recall looking at his balding head, thinking to myself, “Wow, he doesn’t seem that bald on TV.”