Unlawful Entry

In this nightmare, I was asleep in my apartment late at night and heard my front door handle start to jiggle.  I quietly walked over and looked through the peep hole and saw an eyeball trying to peer inside.  It startled me so I jumped back while still trying to keep quiet.  The intruder was able to pick the outside lock but luckily I have a deadbolt that is only accessible through the inside of my apartment.  I was freaked out at this point but also figured there was no way he would be able to get inside.  He then slammed his body into the door, trying to knock it down.  The doorframe started to split so I completely panicked and called 911.

Next thing I knew I was outside on the street talking to a cop, explaining the attempted break-in to him.  We quickly walked up the stairs to my apartment and saw the guy still charging at my front door.  The cop ran up to him, put a cardboard box over his head, bear hugged him and gently said, “It’s okay, you’re a good kid.”

Rams & Patriots

In this weird dream, I was walking on a beach with one of my brothers and we started to hike up a small sand dune.  Off in the distance to our right was a golf course on an enormous mountain.  There was an amazingly long par 5 that went miles up the mountain side and I said to my brother, “Wow, that’s a doozy of a hole!”  We kept walking along a narrow sandy trail and came upon a bright green ram that wanted to play fetch.  I threw a small stick down the hill and he went after it and brought it back to me.

We kept walking and came to a cliff ledge where the New England Patriots football team were practicing.  The football was hiked to Tom Brady and suddenly I was playing defense.  Without missing a beat, I aggressively rushed Tom and just as I was about to tackle him, I realized he was a cardboard cutout.  As I tackled him, my momentum carried me over the cliff towards the ocean below.

Flame Thrower

In this weird dream, I was at an ex-girlfriend’s house, attending her birthday party.  She was yelling at me and blamed me for ruining her party, even though everyone seemed to be having a good time.  Next thing I knew I had a flame thrower and was dousing some guy who was wearing a rubber suit and shooting water guns at me.

Melting Away

In this strange dream, I was in someone’s garage where a guy was cutting the brake lines on his wife’s car.  The brake fluid quickly covered the cement floor and then three attractive women walked into the garage.  They immediately slipped and fell to the floor and then slowly melted away until there was nothing left of them.

Kickball Bully

In this funny dream, I was playing kickball and a girl on my team kicked the big red rubber ball to the third baseman, who threw it to first base.  It went past the first baseman so she kept running towards second base but slipped and fell.  The first basement picked up the ball and threw it to the second basemen, who was an absolutely huge guy with white spiked hair.  He caught it and tagged her out on her legs, then he tagged her out a second time by slamming the ball into her face.  Our whole team ran onto the field to yell at the guy and I said, “Dude, what’s up with the second tag?”  He didn’t reply so I gave him serious stink eye as I walked off the field.

I was then watching the huge second basemen and a guy from our team play ping pong.  I was still giving him stink eye and he told me to go f@#k myself.  I was then outside walking next to him and he said to me, “You’re not bad at kickball….for a girl.”  I laughed obnoxiously at this and told him that was so funny because I’m a guy but I play like a girl.  I told some people around me what he said while still laughing like it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard.  He was about to say something to me but I cut him off and said, “Don’t say anything funny, I’m still enjoying that last joke,” and kept laughing hysterically.

Guitar Hero

In this funny dream, I was playing acoustic guitar for a rap band during a live concert in what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse.  We were on a large stage and the place was packed with a lot of cheering people.  There were a couple of other guys playing guitar too and they seemed like they knew what they were doing.  However, I was just strumming a few of the same chords over and over again but neither the band members or the crowd seemed to notice.  Plus I was sitting down for some reason so I was virtually out of sight.  Even though it was a rap band, we started playing a Metallica song but I just kept strumming my guitar.  The lead guitarist completely butchered the introductory guitar riff so the crowd booed us and they all quickly left the building.

Val Kilmer

In this weird dream, the actor Val Kilmer was buried up to his waste in dried cement and I was throwing baseballs at him from a fairly short distance.  I was throwing as hard as I could and the radar gun behind him was clocking me at 93 miles per hour.  Every ball I threw hit him square in the chest and he just kept laughing at me and saying, “Is that all you got?”

Cave Lizard

In this dream, I was in a small raft floating on a slow-moving river in a huge cave.  I then found myself on a rocky ledge with another guy, trying to hide from a gigantic lizard that was coming towards us.  The lizard’s baby was also on the ledge with us so it’s Mom freaked out and ate the other guy.

Scorpions at the Beach

In this bizarre dream, I was on vacation in Florida for several days with an old college buddy and someone else I didn’t know.  For some reason, we could never get to the beach to lay out and enjoy the sun and the ocean, even though that was the main reason for our trip.  It was our last day there but we decided to stay one more day in hopes of getting to the beach.  When we finally got there, the entire beach was covered with gigantic crabs that sort of looked like scorpions.

Eject!

In this fun dream, I was lounging on a chair on the back deck of a large house that was perched high atop a mountain.  I was enjoying the view of a lake off in the distance, which looked like Lake Tahoe but it was hard to tell since I was so high up.  Suddenly my chair ejected me over the deck railing and I was free falling and thought death was certain.  I frantically moved my arms like a swimmer doing the breast stroke and realized I was not falling anymore, but flying.

While I kept doing this move, I was getting closer to the lake and further away from the house.  I eventually got to the point where I knew I was going to crash and when I did, I landed butt first into a very shallow part of the lake.  I just listlessly skipped across the water and came to a stop on a small beach.

Another Golf Dream

In this strange golf dream, I was on the fairway of a golf course getting ready to hit my second shot to the green.  For some reason, I was playing left-handed even though I’m a righty.  I sized up my shot, which was 298 yards away and I had to clear a lake to get it safely on the green.  I suddenly realized that I wasn’t a lefty and decided to hit a layup shot from the right side.  As I took my club back to take a full swing, it kept hitting a couch that was right behind me.  I kept moving my ball away from the couch but other things kept popping up behind me and restricting my swing.  I was eventually able to take a half swing and hit two balls into the lake.

Office Space

In this crazy dream, I was at work in my office but it was located on a small air field. I was doing an online fantasy football draft but could only see a white hologram of my friend giving me the finger on my computer monitor. Then two stunning blonde women and one man came into my office and told me of an accounting error that I needed to know about. While they were explaining the details, the women’s blouses kept shrinking and they could barely keep their breasts from falling out. With this distraction, I only remember that the error would benefit the company by $150M but not until the year 2070.

Then people came pouring into my office and suddenly the room was filled with about a dozen people I didn’t know. Then from my computer came the sounds of cheering, since the fantasy football draft was still going on. I frantically tried to turn off my computer but couldn’t do it. I could still see the hologram of my friends hand so I reached into the monitor and pulled off a blue, button-up shirt he was wearing.

Field Of Dreams

In this funny dream, I was at a professional baseball game sitting in the seats behind home plate, even though apparently I was playing for one of the teams. The game was also being played at my old High School baseball field. I was sitting next to a girl in the stands behind home plate when the Chicago White Sox ran onto the field and she commented, “Wow, I love their uniforms.” To that I replied, “Ours are even better,” even though I had no idea what team I played for. My teammates then ran out onto the field and their uniforms were a faded pastel blue and completely torn to shreds. I was about to say something to her but I realized I wasn’t wearing a shirt at all.

Flash Flood

In this strange dream, I was walking through a little town that resembled the village where the hobbit’s lived in the movie Lord of the Rings. The rolling hills were very green and covered with moss, lush bushes and small trees. All of the streets were made of stone and the buildings were very old. I was on a business trip with my boss but then ended up with my ex-girlfriend, who had blonde hair instead of her normal black hair.

We were sitting outside at a little restaurant on top of a small hill, looking down on the main street of the town. Suddenly the streets started flooding with several feet of water and the parked cars were floating away. I specifically remember a flattened, light blue Porsche Carerra floating down the street.