Castration Camp

In this nightmare, my friends and I were driving in an older American muscle car – I was sitting in the back seat by myself – heading to the foothills for a weekend getaway.  I didn’t know where we were going but my friends assured me I would like the place, which they described as a small mountain town where we could just relax.  After driving for a while, we turned onto a dirt road and drove for a little bit longer.  I could see some small, log-cabin like buildings and what started to resemble a town.  As we got closer, I saw a big overhanging wooden sign that read, “Castration Camp.”

I freaked out and tried to open the doors but I couldn’t.  My friends told me to relax and that everything was okay because I had an appointment.  As we got further into the little town, I saw people walking around carrying what looked like giant fingernail clippers, which I assumed was their castration tool.  I panicked and busted one of the back passenger windows and frantically made my way out of the car.  I ran like hell but then heard gun shots.  I looked over my shoulder and saw a few of the town folk shooting at me with rifles so I just kept running until I got to the main road.

Yankees Vs. Rangers

In this crazy dream, I was standing in the dugout at a baseball game where the scoreboard indicated the NY Yankees were playing the Texas Rangers.  However, the field was a little league field and all of the players were between the ages of 10 and 12 years old, except for Josh Hamilton, who is the center fielder for the Texas Rangers.  He was standing in the outfield and a couple of balls were hit to him and he made the catch and fired the ball back in.  Since all the infielders were little leaguers, they of course couldn’t catch the balls he was throwing to them.

Then another ball was hit pretty well to him and he started joking out loud about how he was going to make the catch and how good he was.  Then the ball flew 10 feet over his head and he leisurely ran after it, even though his teammates were yelling at him to hustle.  As he got to the ball, he just started skipping around it and never threw it in.

Bed, Bath and Way Beyond

In this strange dream, I was bicycling on a quiet downtown street behind a white Jeep Wrangler.  The Jeep wasn’t going that fast but the driver lost control and the car flipped upside down and then rolled a few times.  When it came to a stop, the driver got out and I asked him if he was ok and if I should call 911.  He said he was fine and that he was just a little drunk.  As we were talking, a red Jeep Wrangler drove by us and got into a similar end-over-end accident.

The guy then saw a Bed, Bath & Beyond store and got all excited and said we should go shopping.  I realized he was gay when we got into the store and he screamed in excitement like a little girl.  He ran off in one direction and I went my own way and found my girlfriend sitting at a table having coffee with a woman I work with.  She completely ignored me so I left the store and got on my bike.

As I was biking home, I needed to find a way to cross the freeway and came upon a cop who pointed me in the right direction.  But when I got to where he directed me to go, it was a small canal that went over the freeway.  I had to float down it but on both sides of the canal were poor people of all ages spitting at me.

Bank Robbery

In this strange dream, I was standing guard in the lobby of a bank while another small group of guys were robbing it.  There was nobody else in the bank besides us but a woman tried to come in through the front door but I told her the bank was closed.  She didn’t seem fazed that I was wearing a black ski mask and just walked away.  I then went to help the other guys gather up the cash.  We didn’t go to the vaults or registers but were on top of the counters, ripping open large white plastic garbage bags that were packed with cash.  We transferred the money to our own big duffle bags and walked all around the bank and dismantled any security devices that could potentially link us to the robbery.

Then suddenly we were no longer in the bank but rather someone’s house; however, we kept walking around smashing things, such as phones and a microwave oven.  We also booby trapped the doors so that if anyone came into the house from the outside, it would set off a bomb.  The cops, SWAT team and FBI all showed up and came in through the front door but it didn’t trigger the bomb.  They also didn’t know we were the thieves so they secured the place and proceeded to set up shop.  They brought in desks and hooked up phones and computers and we were helping them the entire time.  After we got them all set up and said our goodbyes, we walked out the front door and when we slammed it shut behind us, the house blew up.

Motorcycle Delivery

In this weird dream, I was driving in my car up this winding road in a nice residential neighborhood.  The houses looked familiar to me, especially the huge colorful ones at the very top of the hill.  I think I had perhaps seen them in another dream.  When I got to the top they weren’t houses at all, but huge car ports made to look like homes to the people looking up at them from the base of the hill.

I kept driving and it suddenly became dark outside.  The road quickly came to a dead end so I stopped the car.  About 10 feet in front of me fireworks started shooting up in the air.  A motorcycle then came flying over my car and skidded to a screeching halt right behind me.  I got out to see what was going on and this huge guy in all black leather got off the bike and said, “Here’s your motorcycle.”

Asian Wrap

In this funny dream, I was in a small bedroom – might have been in a hospital – with a dead Asian man who was lying on his back in a twin bed underneath the sheets.  His face was completely pale but to make sure he was in fact dead, I checked his pulse by grabbing his wrist.  He had no pulse so I tried wrapping him up in the sheets with the intent of disposing of his body.  The door suddenly flew open and three naked and very attractive Asian women poured into the room and the dead Asian man instantly sat up in the bed.

Hillbilly Hoop Dreams

In this bizarre dream, I was walking up a small grassy hill and saw a bunch of backwoods hillbillies – perhaps inbreeds – playing basketball on the hillside.  There wasn’t a basketball court but they didn’t seem to care, even though the ball kept bouncing down the hill.  There was one guy who stood out from the others since he was in a police uniform and looked normal.  For some reason I knew he had recently won a $59 million law suit and that these hillbillies were working for him illegally.

I sat in the dirt watching them play and noticed a black wallet half buried in the ground.  There was lots of cash in it so I quickly put it in my pocket.  Then I noticed money all over the ground and frantically stuffed the bills down my pants until I saw some hillbillies coming my way.  There was a house nearby so I quickly walked towards it and then I found myself in the garage doing bicep curls.  A few hillbillies walked by me, all carrying wads of crumpled up cash.

The River Wild

In this weird dream, I was swimming upstream in a massive river that was producing ocean-like waves.  Like a determined salmon, I plowed through wave after wave and finally got to a slow part of the river and got out to rest.  As I sat there, I saw a guy sitting on a large rock in the middle of the river with the water rushing by him on both sides.

He stuck his hand in the river and the water to his left almost came to a standstill.  To his right, he created a massive wave-like ramp and a few guys were surfing down the river and jumping off it.  Some guys were also body surfing over it and since I didn’t have a surfboard, I thought I’d give that a try.  When I got back into the water, the current immediately took me off in the opposite direction and I got sucked down the rapids and tumbled over a bunch of massive rocks.

Bye Bye Birdie

In this crazy dream, I was standing in the living room of a cabin with a woman I didn’t know.  We kept hearing a chirping sound coming from a book case and then suddenly a small bird flew out from behind the books.  It was flying frantically around the living room, trying to find a way outside.  It eventually landed on the carpet and turned into a red ping pong paddle that was missing the handle.

The woman grabbed two pots from the kitchen and scooped up the ping pong paddle and dropped it over the back deck, expecting it to turn back into a bird and fly away.  It just fell to the ground below but after a few seconds, it turned back into a bird.  It then flew up to the deck railing and perched there but a huge hawk flew out of a nearby tree and snatched it up.

Half-Naked Freeway Sunbathers

In this somewhat erotic dream, I was driving on a freeway in the fast lane but I was the only car on the road.  Up ahead to my left I saw a lot of black smoke so I slowed down a bit.  As I got closer I saw flames right off the freeway and some fireman trying to put out the fire with hoses that weren’t attached to anything.  I swerved around them since they were standing in the middle of the left lane.

To my right was some burning debris and once I navigated through that mess, I noticed there were half-naked women sunbathing all over the freeway.  There were at least 10 of them spread out across the pavement on beach towels, all with long black hair, very tan, and wearing only black lacey underwear and bras.

Burn Notice

In this funny dream, I was hanging out with super spies Michael Westin and Fiona, the main characters on the TV show Burn Notice.  In order for Michael to get close to a bad guy he was trying to catch, he had to pretend to be a plane expert.  The plan was for Fiona to build an airplane so he could take the perp for a ride and earn his trust.  When the guy came over to Michael’s house he said, “Is that your plane over there?”, pointing to the side yard.  We all simultaneosly looked over and saw a bright orange, miniature blimp sitting there.

Bass Guitar Hero

In this strange dream, I was on a large stage playing bass guitar in an all base guitar band.  The spotlights were so bright that I couldn’t see the crowd but we were jamming nonetheless.  We didn’t have a lead singer or drummer and we only played bass guitar solos.  I was watching another guy on stage play for a while, waiting for my turn to rock out on my bass guitar.  When he was done, I went right into my solo.

My fingers were moving so fast on the guitar neck that it looked like there were two hands on it.  My other hand was plucking the thick strings furiously and I must have played for five minutes.  When I was done I thought to myself, “Wow, that was awesome since I’ve never played bass guitar before in my life.”  Then the bright spotlights turned off so we could see what we thought would be a huge cheering crowd.  However, we were in a hotel conference room with a bunch of older guys in suits, sitting in classroom style desks, taking notes.

Baseketball

In this funny dream, I was sitting in the right field bleachers at a New York Yankees baseball game but the stadium was very small.  I had my baseball glove on and had caught two balls that were hit into the bleachers.  Next thing I knew, I was inside a small gymnasium watching Jason Segel (Marshall on the sitcom How I Met Your Mother) shooting hoops by himself.  He was also trying to dunk the basketball and I was laughing at him because he couldn’t do it.  He said to me, “I’ll bet you can’t even touch the rim bro.”

Without saying a word, I walked onto the court and grabbed a basketball and dribbled quickly towards the hoop.  I wasn’t sure if I was going to jump off my left leg or right leg but when I got close to the rim, I planted myself and jumped off both legs.  In slow motion I kept moving higher and higher until my head was well above the rim.  I dunked the ball with authority and hung on the rim for a few seconds.  I dropped to the floor and walked back to the bleachers and grabbed my glove and two baseballs.  I opened a metal door that I thought was leading back to the baseball stadium but when I walked through it, I was in a residential neighborhood that I didn’t recognize.

Snow Sledding

In this fun dream, I was at a ski resort near the bottom of a steep mountain.  However, people weren’t skiing but sledding down the hill in blue plastic sleds.  Right in front of me were two fairly large jumps made of snow, one right after the other.  I watched a few people sled down the mountain and go over both jumps and land safely in a bank of snow right after the second jump.

Next thing I knew I was sledding down the hill, heading towards the first jump.  I hit the jump and flew thru the air and then landed, not losing any speed at all.  I hit the second jump and as I was in the air, I flew onto a small wooden deck and skidded across it and slammed into a large net that was made of thick rope.

Tiger Golf

In this crazy dream, I was playing golf with Tiger Woods as part of a publicity stunt he put together to win back his fans, even though there were very few people watching us and it wasn’t being televised.  We played a few holes together and I was pounding cans of beer like they were going out of style, since I was a little nervous.  He commented to me, “Dude, you need to slow down on the booze,” but I kept drinking.

We were about to tee off over a large lake when then this huge black snack thrashed out of the water.  It must have been five stories tall and ten-feet wide.  It sprung out of the lake and slithered across the fairway towards some golfers who were screaming and running for their lives.  We watched the enormous snake terrorize a bunch more people and then it went back into the water and submerged.  We proceeded to tee off and hit our balls over the lake like nothing happened.